bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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