There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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