i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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