she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Boobs speak an international language.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
