There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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