And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
