Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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