Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
