I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
