she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
