Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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