These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
