You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
