i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
