Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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