It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
