Pappa wants mamma naked
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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