this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
