smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
