so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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