He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
