absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
