he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
