Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
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The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
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Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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