i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
