so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
