i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
