I want to walk on stilts...naked
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
