i'm signing you up for texting rehab
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
