apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
nutella sex= disaster
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
