that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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