ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
this just has baby written all over it
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
