if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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