you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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