tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
