should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
