You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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