in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
