I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
