I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
ok first of all what the fuck
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
