Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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