The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
