having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
