people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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