I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
