so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
