So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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