brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
