Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
All the doctor said was why
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
