i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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