Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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