I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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