I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
