we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
