i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
