It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
you made out with another girl for some wings
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
