Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
