i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Dicks are not precious.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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