no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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