this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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