we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
