my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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