in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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